Why do I get a bad rap?
I told Horatio before he wrote this book that things might not work the same if it gets published. You know what I mean?
No one says the lungs are evil because they make you breathe. They're just doing what nature intended. What do you think I'm doing? It's in my DNA. Calling me a Dick, where does he get off? Without me, there is no world.
I remember the old days, I'd think it, let Horatio know what's going to happen, and bam, we're on our way. Not to name drop, but one of my best friends is Prince Charming's penis. Yep that Prince Charming. Boy did he have a scam. He'd run around looking for Damsels in distress, or that's what he called them. They were just sleeping. He'd say that he was going to save them with a kiss. Kissing a sleeping woman, the balls on him. Anyway, he got away with it. Most were just really tired, but one actually woke up right away. He never told anyone that accidentally bit her lip. Yes, that's right, he was a terrible kisser.
This went on for a long time. Everyone loved him, he was even in a few movies. Boy was I jealous. Times were changing and I told him it's not going to last. He didn't listen, penises never do. So, he recently got thrown out of the kingdom, lost his title and driving an Uber. The days of kissing sleeping women are over.
Look, I get it. I have a sister, and years ago she had her story written. Perhaps you heard of it, The Vagina Monoluges. I think that's where Horatio got his idea. I love my sister, but it's so complicated. Should I, shouldn't I, how will I feel, all that stuff. Love me or hate me, but I get to the point. That's what I call my erection, the point.
In conclusion, I am doing for Horatio what every penis is doing for their guy. It's natural, and it's fine, but Horatio has more say today than ever as to what we do with the point. whether I like it or not, that's how it's going to be. But please, don't call me a Dick, that's mean.
Enjoy the book.